Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Invisible Warriors

                        


That radiant smile on my shoulder belongs to Cindy Gray, my partner, my wife, and the best friend I've ever had. 

She's also disabled.

People who see Cindy smiling and laughing in pictures, out at the crag or on the trail, often say, "Wow! She looks great for someone with MS."

What they too often mean is, "How can she have a disability?" 

They don't see the incision scars from reconstructive surgeries to her lumbar vertebrae, the silver dollar sized lesion on her brain stem or the three dime-sized ones scattered over her brain.

Cindy takes a break atop the Gypsy Dome, Elevenmile Canyon, CO

They don't have any concept of the determination it took for her to regain use of one side of her body following a stroke in 2001, and have no clue about the titanium stents inside her skull from a massive aneurysm that nearly claimed her life in 2016.

Few of us can even imagine the incredible effort it takes for her to walk on a repaired patella and meniscus while coping with a sense of balance that can feel like she's on the deck of a ship in a storm.

Few comprehend the hours and days of pain; when Cindy hurts so bad that this former athlete and firefighter weeps in agony and frustration.




They don't see that every hike or climb requires two or three days of recovery, or know about the days that we set out for an adventure, but an unpredictable flare-up of Multiple Sclerosis ends everything before we set foot on the trail.

Not every disease or disability waves a red flag; not every sick or disabled person behaves in a way that announces their condition.

Ironically, many who campaign  for diversity, inclusion and awareness treat those battling MS and other chronic but invisible diseases with a lack of sensitivity and awareness that manifests as impatience and borders on downright rudeness.

Too often, I've turned around on a steep, narrow crag trail that Cindy helped to build, to find a party of climbers who've never done a minute of trail work crowding her heels and mumbling, not quite under their breath, about this person impeding their blind rush to pose for selfies on a route Cindy helped to bring into existence.



Take a minute to understand that, as well as those with obvious disabilities, this world is filled with people who don't LOOK sick but who overcome more challenges getting to the trail or crag than most of us will ever know in a lifetime.

Take another to repair the trails you walk, to replace dislodged steps and stones in the trail, even if you didn't create the damage. 

Make a conscious effort to keep walkways clear of ropes, packs, dogs and hammocks. What you consider a minor inconvenience is a major obstacle to those with mobility issues from neurological diseases or reconstructive surgery.

Remember that "those people" never asked for their lot in life; many were once as healthy as you.

The kindness you show today may someday be the kindness you need from others.



Edit to illustrate the capricious nature of her disability: since this original post on Facebook, Cindy suffered a compressed L3-4 disc when the prosthesis in her back broke loose from her spine and hip while walking across the kitchen floor. 

No warning, out of the blue after three days of casual hiking and climbing a new trad line in the Canyon.

She spent months walking with a cane and living with extreme pain, awaiting surgical scheduling. 


In February of 2020, the old support screws and plates were removed and new hardware installed to fuse the lower 15 inches of her spine.



In March COVID-19 shut down WV and much of the world.

After 14 months of rehab, Cindy began hiking and climbing again in April of 2021, and was once again slaying trout with the best of them.


On Friday, the 13th of August, after a wonderful day in the Canyon and evening of good food and conversation, out of the blue, Cindy woke at midnight to dizziness and nausea. After 7 hours of fighting the inevitable, we drove to Virginia, where she was admitted to the hospital for two days.

A week later, we celebrated our slightly delayed 10th anniversary with a 2.5 mile hike up a steep ridge and back down along the creek below, then prepared and enjoyed dinner in a perfectly preserved CCC cabin.

In September, Cindy began a new treatment for MS, and was excited by an immediate improvement in her energy levels and greatly reduced symptoms of the disease.

On Monday, November 8, eleven months after her first hospitalization, doctors determined that she has Ménière's disease, effectively bringing to an end her ability to participate in climbing, hiking, or trail work.


The end of an era in Smoke Hole climbing and stewardship

Despite it all, Cindy refuses to surrender to despair or simply succumb to any affliction; between her weekend days at the Franklin town library, she's still leaf peeping on the North Fork, picking up trash along Canyon roads, chasing trout in the South Branch and watching for her big feathered friends.

Life goes on.

Remember that there is far more in Heaven and Earth than your rush to the crags or convenient sympathy for the obviously disabled and challenged.

Invisible warriors walk among you, many of them the very reason for the places in which you live and play.

Open yourself to the lessons and inspiration they offer, the history they would share, if not for blind eyes and deaf ears.

Thank you, Miss Pinkpants, for a decade spent cleaning up over half a ton of trash on Canyon area roads, of sponsoring, organizing and participating in over a dozen trail work events, feeding hundreds of hungry volunteers, putting up new lines, helping to rebolt old ones, and sharing your wisdom and experience with a new generation of young climbers.

It's no exaggeration to say that the last decade has been a milestone in the history of women, disabled climbers, and climbing in the USA, as well as a grand adventure of mishaps, lessons, magic and discovery that changed life forever for this Southern boy.

Thank you, my love.

MG

Cindy and Mike Gray: New Routes and FAs 

2009-2019

West Virginia: Franklin Gorge, Smoke Hole, Reed’s Creek and Germany Valley 

1. In Your Footsteps 2/28/08
2. Going on a Bender 8/24/08
3. Little Eagle 10/16/08
4. Fledgling 10/16/08
5. Really Bad Eggs 10/17/08
6. The Last Laugh 12/08
7. Feels Like the First Time 2/12/09
8. Like a Wirgin, Captain 2/12/09
9. Teeth of the Dragon 4/12/09
10. Orange Dihedral 08/09/09
11. Internal Dialogue 09/27/09
12. Thieves in the Temple 10/19/09
13. Second Rule 12/14/09 MF/CB 
14. SuperNatural 12/30/09
15. Winterharvest 01/18/10 
16. Flying Below Radar 04/01/10 
17. Hootenanny 05/05/10
18. Mixed Blessings 06/22/10
19. Gypsies 
20. River Song
21. Horse With No Name 
22. A Walk in the Park 
23. Blessed River
24. Infamous
25. Raindancer 08/18/10
26. Bridgeburners 11/14/10
27. Chasing Ghosts 12/24/10
28. My Silver Lining 
29. Castles Made of Sand 07/10/13
30. Nightshade 07/12/13
31. Ghosts of Christmas 12/25/13
32. Little Khumbu 06/23/14 
33. Jack in the Pulpit 07/05/14
34. Synergy MG/CG/JP 01/17/17
35. Pink Kung Fu 02/04/17
36. West End Girl  02/02/17
37. Windwalker 03/08/17
38. Ecstasy Loves Company 06/09/17
39. Pernicious Twits 07/08/17
40. Nick of Time 08/25/17 w/BB
41. Colors of the Fall 09/28/17
42. MPP 11/15/17
43. Fire on the Mountain 11/22/17
44. The Smoke Eater 11/30/17
45. New Kid on the Block 12/13/17
46. Let It Be 10/14/18
47. Afterglow 12/18/18
48. Take It To the Limit 01/01/19
49. Not Very Sporting 03/25/19
50. Running Against the Clock (est. w/MH) 04/26/21
 

Arizona: Northern Ga’an Canyon 

51. Pink Cadillac 03/18/12
52. Three-toned Gs 03/19/12
53. Fisher King 10/4-5/12
54. Working Class 12/08/12
55. Gypsy Conditions 12/25/12
56. Resolution 02/04/13
57. Stoneblind 02/04/13
58. Troll’s Shoulder 02/04/13
59. Trolls Under the Bridge 02/04/13

Colorado: Elevenmile Canyon

60. Gypsy Road 08/28/15
61. Tenuous 08/29/15
62. Owl, My Calves Are Burning 08/30/15 
63. Gypsy Rain 09/06/16
64. Calle Esposa 09/16/16 
65. Li’l Sumpin’ Sumpin’ 09/25/16




1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this post. What a courageous lady. I've experienced what I consider to be temporary disability in the first 3-4 months of each of my 7+ pregnancies. When I was completely unable to do the things I wanted and needed to do, this eternal optimist became quite close to depressed. The only thing to encourage me was that this sickness had a purpose and that it was temporary. That your wife continues living fully, knowing that the problems are not temporary, is a wonderful testament to her character and a necessary example for others.

    My husband, a pastor, and I have frequently talked about how we wished that the extremely elderly and the disabled could all understand that, despite their physical limitation, they still have an important role to play in our society-- whether it be through the prayers they offer or through the examples they give of joyful living to those around them. Thank you for sharing her story.

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